Kim and I today
- Certain moments are so rare and special that they stick with us. Point in time, a teenage girl named Tammy.
- When I first met Tammy, she had already been through many bouts of chemo. Her parents invited me for lunch and afterwards they shared their family album. I sat on the couch, carefully looking at each picture and commenting. Tammy caught a side glimpse of me lingering over her pictures riding a horse with her long blonde horse flowing down her back as she rode.
- Her expression seemed to say, "It's okay, I will be that girl again someday. Wait and see."
- There was something so ethereal about Tammy. My four-year-old daughter Kim couldn't resist her and quickly became an adoring fan.
- One day, as I was sewing, Kim said,"I need a diamond dress to wear for special occasions. Can you make me one?"
- Since our 'special occasions' was usually a trip to the park or getting a Happy Meal, I asked, "And where would you wear this dress?"
- "To a birthday party, or a wedding, or a funeral." Kim crossed her arms with satisfaction.
- "A funeral is a special occasion?" I carefully asked.
- "When people die they go home to heaven. I really need a dress to celebrate with them."
- Kim and I took a trip to the fabric store. "I found it! Here is the my diamond dress material!" she declared.
- I followed to where she stood, holding the heavy bolt in both arms.
- I looked hard and long at the fabric. The print was colorful jelly beans on a green background. "Honey, those are jelly beans."
- "Nope. Diamonds."I looked at the material for a long time, trying to see what Kimberly saw, but finally gave up. I asked for two yards to be cut, picked out matching thread and paid my money.
- All week I struggled with making my daughter's diamond dress. To make it fancier, I sewed on a lace collar and dotted it with rhinestones. Kimberly was happy with the result; she saw diamonds, I saw jelly beans.
- Christmas was festive at church with a wonderful program and platters of homemade food. Tammy admitted she felt awkward around girls her own age, as they didn't quite know how to act toward the girl who looked so different from them. As a result she remained by her little four-year-old friend and was a wonderful help in serving the food.
- I thought I detected a little color crawling back into Tammy's wan cheeks. Surely she would recover and be just fine. I said another silent prayer for the hundredth, the thousandth, the millionth time.I watched Tammy out of the corner of my eye all evening. She checked plates and cups, making sure everyone had enough to eat and drink, and served more when needed.
- She seated the elderly in the most comfortable chairs. I saw her push back the constant fatigue she experienced in order to help turn the pages for the pianist's music. At last, she sat with the children gathered about her feet, leading them in Christmas songs, listening intently to their stories. She was a young girl who was not self-absorbed in makeup and boyfriends. She was a young girl absorbed with helping others.
- Two days after Christmas, we received a call from Tammy's parents. She had been rushed to the hospital. Walking into her room, I noticed how small she looked among the bed sheets. Her mother rubbed her forehead and smiled into the blue eyes that were heavy with sleep. I stood by her bed, along with her parents. Although I had prayed for healing, God performed His own miracle and just before midnight took Tammy home to live with Him in heaven.
- The members of the church dreaded the funeral of one so young. We seem to understand and accept better the death of someone elderly who has lived a long and full life. This young life slipping away from us, however, made our own mortality seem more brittle.
- And there were the nagging questions: Had we failed Tammy in not believing hard enough, in not praying long enough?I held my daughter's small hand as we walked up to the oak casket. Tammy appeared as if she had gotten ready for church and then simply laid down for a quick rest among her favorite toys. I squeezed Kimberly's hand tighter. If she got too close to the casket, would death snatch her too? Sensing my fears, Tammy's dad picked Kimberly up into his arms so she could clearly see Tammy.
- "She is at peace now. See?" he said. Kimberly looked into the pain-filled father's eyes and then nodded seriously, turning her attention back to her friend."Thanks for helping me be quiet in church," my daughter whispered to her. "See, I wore my diamond dress for you today. You knew how important it was. I am so happy that you can see heaven."
- During the service, Tammy's parents sat close, holding hands. The pastor spoke, "This is not the end but the beginning for Tammy. Let her example be a new beginning for us as well. Let's finish what she has started, and may it be a work in progress."
- It was true. Tammy left us with so much. She set her own needs aside to help others. She cheerfully illustrated to my impressionable daughter, to children yet to be shaped, and to adults set in their ways, how to be of service to others when pain and tiredness are your greatest enemies.
- That night I tucked my own little daughter into her bed, thinking that Tammy would never be tucked into hers again. Kim looked at me with concern. Her tiny finger brushed away one of my tears."Mommy, when I close my eyes I can see Tammy. She has her long blond hair back and wears a beautiful dress with stones all over it. I think her diamond dress is even prettier than mine," Kimberly whispered while pointing to her jelly-bean dress hanging in the closet.I closed my eyes too. Yes, I can imagine Tammy with her long hair and pink, glowing complexion. I think she is probably wearing her own diamond dress as she gallops on her horse.
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